Valentine's Day

It didn't bother me, except for all the teens crying about being 'alone' for 16 or 17 years. Oh good grief! What a bunch of babies! It's just another day!

I invited someone to my house. We had a previous relationship as "Raymond's Friend" and "Raymond's Wife". I knew what I was doing, (mostly), but he tried to keep all the guilt. The girls were out celebrating Moon's birthday late into the night, so the house was empty. He came over for dinner and a DVD. I picked an action movie, and we started watching. About half-way through, I leaned on his shoulder...

I'm not sorry, but I am. I wanted to date, and this gentleman was reasonably safe. That very safety is the problem. I was too comfortable with him, and that happened.

There is a bio-chemical reaction that takes place within the brains of people having sex. It's even recorded in the Bible. Ephesians 5 tells men three times to love their wives, but never tells the women to love. It tells the women to have respect. Why? Finally, medical science caught up to God's Word and discovered that when men have sex, they feel protective, but not loving. Some demonstrate this protectiveness by attempting ownership of the woman. Others simply hurt if the woman doesn't accept the protection. The last few decades, women have been taught that they don't need protection, so this study is not politically correct. Women, on the other hand feel either love or hate after sex. (The only time I ever felt the hate was after I was raped.) I love. I liked Rudy before Tuesday night, but now... Dang it! I'm in love. It will fade with time, but right now, it feels awful.

It feels awful, because we decided that it was too soon. My timing was off, and I had meant to stop it, to go so far and no further. For a variety of reasons, we needed to wait a couple of months, but I let it happen. He let it happen. Now, we are distracted at the very time we need to stay focused on other responsibilities. He's feeling all protective of me, and I can't respond the way I want to respond. The girls know that we are developing a closeness, but unless Moon's perceptions are on overdrive, she doesn't really know anything. She did seem panicked when I suggested that I might like to date men. Agent Em, on the other hand, told me it was OK, as long as they are nice to me.

The only time I cheated on my husband was in my own mind. I fantasized about people, and even let my heart and mind run away with me about certain others, but I never physically had sex with a man not my husband. This man was often around, but I hardly considered him a threat to our marriage. He was "Raymond's Friend", and after simple greetings, they always went off to do 'man things' together. You would think their friendship, I would have felt some kind of weirdness or guilt about Tuesday night, but I didn't. The only thing I felt was the betrayal of my own self-discipline, and how I may have placed a stumbling block in my friend's path to his own short-term goals.

This sounds like a soap opera, and I sound like a drama queen. Maybe so, but I think I was like this before I married, too. I simply never told anyone. I wrote poetry instead.