Fifteen Albums

THE RULES: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen albums you've heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag fifteen friends, including me, because I'm interested in seeing what albums my friends choose. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules in a new note, cast your fifteen picks, and tag people in the note).

In no particular order, esp since my musical tastes are so eclectic: 

1.   Van Cliburn played Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto #2 and Chopin Piano Concerto #2  (I was a baby, but remembered the music.)

2.   Time Out - Dave Brubeck (One of Dad's favorites.)

3.   The Beatles Red Album - The Beatles (I memorized it.)

4.   Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd (Love at first listen with the heartbeat and the clocks!)

5.   The Wall - Pink Floyd (It makes me happy.)

7.   Back in Black - AC/DC (First time I heard it, I froze and just listened.)

8.   A Night at the Opera - Queen (musical ecstasy.)

9.   Pyromania - Def Leppard (Rock was NOT dead!)

10. Stan Freeberg (Don't remember the album name, but I can't help but laugh when I hear it.)

11. Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975  - The Eagles (memorized it.)

12. Dvorak: Symphony No. 9 "From the New World" - London Symphony Orchestra (He wrote it for us!)

13. Trashed, Lost, and Strung Out - Children of Bodom (launched me into new areas.)

14. Death Magnetic - Metallica (Got an hour? These songs mean something to me.)

15. Royal Tapestry - Claudette Royal (Her voice, her heart, and above the subject of her songs are excellent.)

A Yellow Belt in Five Styles by Rabbi B. Shafier

A Yellow Belt in Five Styles by Rabbi B. Shafier

Thirty years ago, I read and believed Colossians 3:2 "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." This refers to God and His Word (2 Timothy 2:15) While I did not have perfect adherence to what God wrote, eventually, I came back to it and God prospered me. (Deuteronomy 28) God never fails.

111227 Finally

I finally manged to piss off enough people on Live Journal to quit - myself included. I stress too much, so I stomped my feet and left. It is not deleted yet, because I want to review the posts and see if anything is worth keeping. I can repost here if necessary, but it is all old news. Maybe I can tie this blog to Facebook. Maybe, I'll just quit blogging. Maybe, I'll end my Internet connection and use the library. Maybe, I'll just get a life.

111227 Not Enough Golden Eggs

"Obamacare" concerns me. Forbes published a report about how all but 27% of doctors believe that it will be more expensive and less effective than the current system. Nearly two-thirds of physicians say that the president with his sycophants in congress shot the pouch. Our shortage of doctors will become extreme when our best and brightest choose other professions rather than trying to deal with 1000+ pages of new regulations, additional patients, and lower salaries. That's about what opponents have said all along.

I'm rather thankful that I spent the last thirty-five years learning natural remedies. I expect that I'll need that knowledge. Who do you think would be rationed first in state-run medicine? How about the old, the infirm, and the political irritants. Reminds me of that song I can't find, "Would You Like to Be a Slave, Baby?":

"They say, they say, they say, they say 'It can't happen here!
"'Believe us friends and neighbors -  there's nothing to fear!'
"But as I remember, as I recall, that's what they said in Berlin
"Now you can hear them again!"

People tell me that I'm reading the signs incorrectly, that I'm overreacting, that I listen to the wrong elements.

I think like a general. I studied history, especially political and military history: Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Charlemagne, Patton, even William Wallace (after watching Braveheart, of course). Many more passed by inspection, including Biblical battles. Look at generations, not just decades.  I studied the rise of communism in the Soviet Union. I studied the rise of the National Socialist Party. There are incredible similarities between those two governments, and we are living under many of the same preceding conditions now. Officials tell us that the economy is getting better, but many people cry that it is not improving for them. Even so, only the poorest of the poor, who are hiding in a hole away from social services, have it as bad as most people did in the 1930s. Now, "poor" people have cars and watch their own TVs in their own homes! Civil discontent is killing the goose that was laying the golden eggs, and the social reformers are blaming the goose.

This is how it begins.

111226 Gifts, Thankfulness, and Goals

Christmas is over. Kwanza has started. Hanukkah has two more evenings. Pagan celebrations continue into the New Year. Twelthnight is January 6th. Yesterday, I went to see my dad. He is well, and extremely fit for an eighty-six year old man. Everyone who has a good dad says that their dad is the best. Mine is the best. I don’t always agree with people, and my dad is no exception. When he talks of money, however, I listen with both ears. He is still as concerned about my financial situation as he was when I left home at age eighteen. Our visit yesterday included the bi-monthly lecture on retirement savings and budgets. I nodded a lot, and said that I am simplifying my life and working on starting my own business. My minister is also a good source for financial information. He used to tell me that I needed more income, but last week he revealed that he was starting to see my position. No one makes demands of me, because they know I have no money. Because he has been a successful middle class businessman, everyone expects him to give elaborate and/or expensive gifts. This year, he surprised me by giving me a book called, The Illustrated Word - a collection of original drawings. I was surprised, blessed, and effusive in my thanks. I was not expecting anything from him. He told me that I showed far more thankfulness than his business associates showed him for gifts that were four or five times more expensive. Some people seem to believe that ‘gifts’ are their ‘right’ by association. Not me. I’ve learned that the givers of gifts and recognitions are more than a little fickle. Once I put forth the effort to divorce myself from needing either, I could become excited, thankful, and supremely blessed with each gift and every word of praise.

I must admit, however, that praise means far more than things, and recognition buoys me for days, and sometimes for years.

Thanks to everyone who sent me a card or gift. One online friend sent something with no return address, so I was not able to send anything back! :’( That saddened me, but I asked God to bless her on my behalf.

When the year turns, many people set goals or see the new year as a fresh start. I do it, too, but do not feel tied to an exact day. Today, I started a diet, and today, I shall be meeting a possible new customer for Herbalife.

My goals for 2012 include:

• gain 25 regular customers this year
• reach my goal weight
• walk without pain
• pursue regular strength training
• start high school for the younger

Be at peace. The world can’t give it to you, so you have to find it for yourself.

111222 Homemade Salve

Well, it worked well enough that I slept all night, got up early, and cleaned house today. I reapplied it this morning, and need some now, too. Looks like three times a day will take care of the pain from normal activity. It works better than Tiger Balm. Agent Em complains about it, but Moon thinks it smells good.

In my palm, I put two drops of Peppermint Oil, two drops of Lavender Oil and rubbed it all over the top and sides of my knee. The pain is greatest where the ligaments are. Then, I sealed the oils in place with about a tablespoon of  Vick's Vapor rub, which had the other two recommended ingredients: Menthol and Eucalyptus.

I use my new found pain relief to exercise the muscles around the knee. On a hard chair or bench where my legs can swing freely, I simply lift my leg at the knee slowly in three sets as if I were weight training, but without weights. It seems wimpy, but this knee is so damaged that wimp is the best I can do. For aerobics and 'real' weight training, I need to stick with upper body work. ;) Moon bought me a membership to Planet Fitness. After the holidays, I'll see a trainer there.

111221 Knee Treatment

I was looking online for information about my reoccurring knee problems. I've seen three doctors in the last five years who all agree that expensive treatment is necessary. Even when I had insurance, I resisted spending that much money. Money does not solve everything. Today, I ran across a commercial site that sold a "wonder drug". I looked at the ingredients. It was all natural, and consisted of peppermint oil, lavender oil, menthol, and eucalyptus.

O.O

I have all those things here at home! Yes!

I concocted my own topical salve that provides significant relief, smells good, and is supposed to speed healing. I'm not kidding about the pain relief! I just applied it, and it feels great! I don't know how long this is to last, so I'll continue to use the cane and be careful on the stairs. If the pain relief lasts for hours, this means I'll be getting regular sleep again! Hooray!

111212 I Live!

I hope that yesterday was the worst. Last night, I had one of the girls put the humidifier next to my bed while I dosed myself with Nyquil. Apparently, Dayquil doesn't work on me. I don't remember anything after Nyquil took effect. Twelve hours later, I woke. The faucet in my nose seems to be in the "off" position, but my throat feels swollen. :( It has been a long, long time since I had a cold.

I want to whine some more! My head feels like my skull is too small, and my brains are threatening to force their way out by way of my ears. Waaa! Waaa! Waaa! Cry! Cry! Cry!

Ok. I'm done. Now I can be a nice person again. :)

111211 Sick

Sick. I feel like I am going to die, but then again, I'm afraid that I won't! Colds suck the big one. If it is a real cold, I'll be well by Tuesday. Flu lasts for weeks. Moon got over her version of warmed over death in two and a half days. I'll just stay home from work tomorrow. Tuesday is the important day for after school care. Tuesday and Thursday... Agent will have to go in my place.

An elephant inhabits my sinus cavities... Wish I could shoot the dang thing and yank it out of there.

111209 One Hundred Reasons

An elementary student transferred from the after school care where I work to the daycare where a much younger sibling is. In many ways, that saddened me, but it is also a happy thing for siblings to stay together. It reminded me of something in our own past.


Moon started her educational career in Head Start, because her sister, Agent, had been born prematurely two months before school started. The new baby needed extra attention. I was not able to spend much time attending to the four-year-old. Head Start was a good fit, because a bus came to the door for her, kept her half a day, fed her, then delivered her home for me. She loved it.


By first grade, she started to complain about school. This particular story, however, concerns the bond between siblings. Not all siblings love each other with the same affection, but they are joined none the less.


By second grade, we had a routine. Three year old Agent rode in the stroller as we walked seven year old Moon the two blocks to school. The trip to school was generally jovial. Then, we would drop Moon at the door to her class. She would grab my hand and want me to enter with her. She would plead and pull or simply look sad. Then Agent would start to cry and try to get out of her stroller. They did not want to be separated. After much fuss, Agent and I would leave, with Agent crying all the way home. This happened almost every day!


After a couple of months of this, I asked Moon to walk herself to school to avoid the public scene. Many days, she came home crying, and one day in March she asked, “Mommy, can I be homeschooled?”


I had met my first homeschooler and her teen daughter on a bus in 1986. We almost became roommates. Between 1991 and 1998, I became close friends with another family that homeschooled their five children, so I was not unfamiliar with the concept. We talked with our minister. We talked with her teacher, a wonderful woman who told us positive things about homeschooling. She told us how to withdraw Moon from school with a minimum of fuss. She warned us to avoid talking to the Administration about our plans, and to contact the Texas Homeschool Coalition instead. We kept Moon in classes until the end of the year, but simply did not register her for third grade. We never had a speck of trouble about shifting to homeschool.


The siblings were delighted to be near each other. 


When Moon started college this year, the chief complaint thirteen year old Agent has given has been: “She’s never around anymore!” Siblings. :)

111205 Monday

I broke down and set an appointment with a chiropractor. My knee feels like it is slipping and sliding in and out of socket, and the sudden pains are bad enough to make me shriek with every misstep. I need to know what kind of brace or bandage to put on it. What I have been doing is not right. Over-the-counter products are either too tight or ineffective. Lavender and peppermint make it feel good, until it pops out again.

Pain is a signal that something is wrong. I can deal with pain. Last year proved that, when the ER nurse asked how I could handle what the numbers said I must have been feeling. Raymond used to chide me for being a wimp whenever I mentioned pain, but now I know that pain means I need to do something. I told the chiropractic nurse that I would pay for an x-ray.

Next, I want to see a homeopath. Maybe, I should simply treat myself. I know some things and can study more treatments for myself. The doctor I contacted did not answer last week’s e-mail nor today’s phone call. Not a good beginning. Trust is a major factor in naturopathic medicine. Then again, the chiropractor may be enough. Once I get the knee fixed, the rest may fall into place.

111202

Grr. LJ shut down unexpectedly while I was in the middle of something. Obviously, all that work will not be posted here, because I cannot access it. Maybe next week, I have things to do today, tomorrow, and the next!

111127 Seventeen Thousand Words to Go

Just thought I'd tell people I hadn't died.

111123 Funny Observation

Only one person actually follows my posts, but that may change someday. Five people inhabit my list of followees. As I was looking at them, I saw that two of them start with the letter, 'D'. Three of them start with the letter, 'R'. So, does my DR stand for doctor, (because I need help), or digital research, (because it is on the Internet)?

Well! It amused me!

111121 Exercise?

Knees are shot. When I walk the mall, it should be the safest, most reasonable type of walking. There are no obstructions, no sudden variations in terrain, etc. I feel so wobbly, that I can't climb the three steps into my house without extreme care. :(

Quick Blog 111119

I am still alive. :)

Usually, I do not have that cute little smile on my face, but I am happy that I have not killed anyone lately. I was tempted to beat one individual to death, but managed to stop myself in time...

111023 SADD

Fighting it. fighting it.
fighting
if
it
fight
ing
it
.

Morning Muse

Who has sunrise at 2am in October? My Google Theme does. This is amusing. I used to wonder why it showed nightime in the middle of the afternoon, and now I have a suspicion that it is on Greenwich time. Too bad. Sunrise is my favorite time of day!

111013 I Dream...

111011 The Fall

It will get worse. It could get a lot worse. My dad once said that we almost lost this country 75-80 years ago. It was bad then, and we recovered. We might recover. We might. Basic rights are no longer sure. There are enough laws, that no one has obeyed them all. 

We are all incredibly wealthy, and yet "they" tell us that we are poor. Class warfare leads to revolution. Some have seen the irony of protesting corporations by using cell phones to organize and wearing expensive shoes while rioting. Bread and circuses ruined Rome. Two thousand years from now, someone will write a paper on us, comparing the fall of western civilization to the Fall of the Roman Empire. Like them, it won't be quick and clean. It will be slow and agonizing.

Hey, I'd be happy and post the Word, but that just brings out the trolls.

1 Thessalonians 1:10

And to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, even Jesus, which delivered us from the wrath to come.

I may be gone for awhile, unless this mood abates tomorrow.

111008 I Have a Friend

I have a friend (?) on Facebook who has taken exception to what I 'like' there. She has started sending me numerous links about 'evil' corporations. She has a husband and a family in a nice house with a couple of nice vehicles, a smart phone, and uses the average products of an average American family, many of which I do not have because I cannot afford them. Some of the evil corporation stuff is quite pointed about how they are not really people.

Last year, I endured (am enduring) a crisis that left me a single mom with no job. I am living off the what is left from the sale of my farm. Also, I own a little stock. This makes *me* part of the *evil* corporate structure she so despises in her naive repetition of what the propaganda machine spews.

Another of my friends has allowed me and my children a place to stay. Unfortunately, she's 'evil' too. Oil was found on her property. You guessed it. She has become a 'greedy' oil producer. You never hear about the people like us. Corporations and oil producers are supposed to be faceless fat cats out of touch with real people, not real people struggling harder than those protesters ever thought of doing.  :(

111006 Steve

He was born eight months before Bill Gates and three years before me. In the 1980s, my dad asked me why *I* couldn't have produced and developed exciting computer technologies and/or software such as they did. (...and you think YOUR parents put pressure on you!)

"Superior ability breeds superior ambition." I'll credit that quote at the end of this blog. ;)

When Apple started to become famous, a geeky nerd with poor social skills and questionable personal hygiene approached Jobs at a computer convention. Jobs blew him off, and that's why IBM runs off of Microsoft products. Jobs did a lot of things wrong, but often, that's how a person finds out how to do it correctly. At one time, he took illegal drugs. He made bad business decisions. He started a war within his own company. Through it all, he stayed famous and made a bunch of money. While there's nothing wrong with that, It's not necessarily a recommendation of good character.

I can't think of any product of his that I've used, unless you count  things that may be accessed online and converted for use with a PC. My first computer experience happened when I learned to use a mainframe from Digital Equipment Corporation, (DEC 10). My first microcomputer was a PC, not an Apple. Mac screens were too small for me. Business used IBM compatible machines, so I did, too. Those things developed by Steve Jobs may have added to the technology available in our society, but he was not alone. There were other microcomputers that other people were trying to develop. His simply worked sooner and better than the rest.

Don't believe that I hated Jobs. He simply was not part of my circle. I did like his Superbowl commercial of 1984. I'm sorry he died. It sounded like he was starting to learn something useful about life by facing death. Isn't that the way it goes?

*Khan Noonien Singh, Star Trek Episode, "Space Seed". 

110929 Repost from Right in Texas

http://www.rightintexas.com/2011/09/new-socialization-concern.html

Whenever I hear 'socialization', I think of socialism. When I was 16, I studied political systems on my own by haunting the library. I devoted more effort to my private study than to any project assigned by a teacher. At the end of my study, I discarded communism and socialism as essentially unworkable, because human nature is self-serving. In the thirty-eight years since then, no rhetoric, nor any events have come close to changing my mind about that conclusion. Indeed they have supported it. My knowledge of history and of the Word have strengthened my belief that socialism is the Devil's counterfeit of how God intended us to live in love. Socialism and communism suck the desire to give out of people's hearts.

My children are not 'socialized', but each has many friends and interacts well with her peers. :)

110923 Missed Call

Inmate Locator - Locate Federal inmates from 1982 to present

Name Register # Age-Race-Sex Release Date Location 1. RAYMOND XXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXX-XXX 48-White-M 05-22-2019 IN TRANSIT

110921 Thirty Day Music Challenge #14

day 14 - a song no one would expect you to love.


The battlefield version always brings tears to my eyes, but they fall harder when the scene and the song move to Vermont, because they'll follow the old man wherever he wants to go! Yeah, I pretty much have that movie memorized. 

110920 Thirty Day Music Challenge #12

day 12 - a song from a band you hate

They don't allow people to embed their videos. :(

110919 Thirty Day Music Challenge #11

day 11 - a song from your favorite band 

That’s difficult... I'll close my eyes and point.

110916 Thirty Day Music Challenge #10

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

Really. I find it peaceful.

110916 Thirty Day Music Challenge #9

day 09 - a song that you can dance to

 According to Moon, no, I can't. :(

110915 Thirty Day Music Challenge #8

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
.

Moon posted this question with a silly song that repeated only three words. She told me to post something 'classical'. Perhaps she thought I'd choose something with no words at all. Instead, I give you this:



Yes, I know ALL the words!

110915 Thirty Day Music Challenge #7

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
Most events have a song.

On the evening of September 3, 2010 ATF searched the house. He was arrested the next day. This song was especially appropriate. I had to latch onto another song to move forward.

110914 Thirty Day Music Challenge

day 6 - a song that reminds you of somewhere

a little bar in Juneau, AK or the streets of Anchorage

110814 Thirty Day Music Challenge

Looks like I’m not too consistent about doing this day by day. How about I post a bunch at once?

day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone

This tune soothes with sound. It moves along with a happy beat. What does it mean? What do you want it to mean? I used to love this song, but now it reminds me of the “Current Occupant of the White House”, (as DJ would say).

 America

110910 Thirty Day Music Challenge Day 3

day 03 - a song that makes you happy

It's not on You Tube, and it doesn't play on the radio. It's a wonderful, peaceful, a capella song in four part harmony. I won't post all the words, but this line always does it for me:  "When I think He loved me so to send His only Son to go and die for people just like me, through tears of joy I begin to see... 'The Love of God'".

They sing it in Spanish, too.

day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

110909 Thirty Day Song Challenge

It would have been convenient to start on the first, but I didn't see this until today.

day 01 - your favorite song
Audiophiles don't have favorite songs. Some have extreme difficulty deciding on a single genre! Today, this one seems good. Click 'leave a comment' to see it. You don't have to leave the comment.

day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

110902 It's Over - Mostly

What he got.

Her trial is October 4th.

110902

Today was sentencing. I didn't go. If it is not on the news tonight, I'm sure I'll find out on Sunday when we go see him. Tomorrow, it will have been a full year since ATF came to the house. They took our vehicles, and I had to sell our home. So many things have changed that I cannot list them all. My brain is too jumbled right now. I have them recorded somewhere. Live Journal, maybe. Should I repost?

110827 Kinda Down

There is a man in court in Ft. Worth who is trying to get his daughter back. His wife died while he was out of state, so her parents took the child and hired a lawyer. That was three years ago. He is still trying to gain custody of his own daughter! She is about 9 years old.

My in-laws have been upset with me since the divorce. Moon is old enough to be on her own if necessary. Her boyfriend's mom has an extra room. He moved across the state to go to college. What if they found a reason to take Agent? I don't think they will, and she has reached the age where the court ususally gives the child the choice.

This case reminds me of the time last year when I thought CPS was going to take my children from me. Grandparents are one thing, but the state? If they threatened, I instructed Moon to run away to friends or relatives. Agent would not have survived well in foster care. Those two girls kept me going after the crisis. Without them, I would have given up and died.

110816

Yesterday, I went to see a friend with an disturbingly familiar story. She told me that of all her friends, I was the one who could understand.

Last week, her husband was caught in the midst of doing things that were illegal, immoral, and utterly stupid. Unlike Raymond, his response was to put a bullet into his own brain. That variation has given her situation both advantages and disadvantages when compared to mine. We discussed them, and decided that at least we had each other. Now, support groups make sense to me. I know what crazy emotions are tearing though her brain, and she knows I know!

We have been friends for 5 or 6 years, and met as SAHMs in a homeschool group. Our children are of similar age. Like Moon did for me, her elder daughter is trying to 'handle' everything. The younger ones act like nothing has happened, which is what Agent did. Her eldest is in college, and my friend plans to continue homeschooling the 12yo and 14yo. Texas law says that 12yo children can stay home alone while she works.

We joked that the world ended sometime last year, but our psyches simply have not processed the info.

"...That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!"

110815 Once Per Month Post (until I become established)

My children need me to earn an income in order to take care of them. Because no one wants to hire a 50-something computer programmer with skills 20 years out of date, I am starting a business with Herbalife. If you are concerned for health, I sell:

Weight Loss products
High Protein products
Supplements
Skin Care Products

My online catalog is available at: www.bemaweightlossmall.com.

Thank-you

Writer's Block: Languages

What other foreign languages do you know? Which one(s) do you want to learn?

 View 1175 Answers

Español, si hablame muy despacio y claro...
Sometimes, I recognize some words in русский язык
I read and study in the Ελληνική γλώσσα
I read and understand Middle English and the King´s English. I even use educated language, but mostly I speak Texan.

I'd like to learn conversational Russian, Finnish, and better Spanish.

Too Close to Home

Cousin to Moon's boyfriend. Too much like my younger one was.

Little Girl Lost

Life's a Beach

You Are Determined

You do things your way, and you always get results. You'll work as hard and long as it takes. You are completely fearless. You refuse to let fear control you. You are proactive, and you try not to let anything slide. You avoid lazy thinking habits. You always have a way when your will demands it. You don't consider failure an option.

The Deserted Beach Test

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

110711 Moms

When Moon was a baby, Susan Smith murdered her two boys for the sake of keeping a boyfriend. I have a picture of baby Moon playing happily in front of a television that was showing the story. In 2001, Andrea Yates drowned four out of five of her children a mere 200 miles from were I live. Last week, the Casey Anthony trial ended with a verdict few, if any, liked.

Do people think that I am like those moms? When four-year-old Jovonie Ochoa of San Antonio died of starvation and his family went to trial, people looked at five-year-old Agent Em's skeletal form and glared at me. They compared her tiny body to Moon's tall plumpness, and asked me if I were feeding the younger. Any time my emotions surfaced, someone suggested counselling. Surely I was a danger to my own children! Someone actually went to my minister to say that I was ruining children's futures! Health and Human Services investigated me in 2005. It proved groundless. Last year, another agent told me that they had the power to take my children from me, even though they were now teens. All of this is based on isolated incidents and what other, infamous mothers have done! Meanwhile real crime slips through the cracks.

Ask my children what they think. Are teens supposed to act out? Are they supposed to lie? Are they supposed to yell at their parents? Are they supposed to do their best to break every law, rule, and guideline set by their parents and school officials? That would appear to be the norm. (I taught high school, remember?) Mine, however, respect and obey authority. If one or the other has a problem with a rule, we talk about it. My children talk to me. WHY IS MY METHODOLOGY SO WRONG?!

There is economic prejudice in this country. It is probably world-wide and crosses all time. Because I have a lack of money, it seems to be expected that I am a low-life, under-educated moron who cannot be expected to handle life as well as someone with a Phd who seldom if ever suffered a lack of any material object. Publicly, I am retreating back into my shell, and I don't plan to emerge until 2016, when the younger reaches age 18.

110710 Relaxed

For a brief period of time, I thought I could relax. I thought it was time to think about a serious relationship. I met a guy who decided to make time for me. We seemed to be matched. The girls said they had reached the point where they could handle the thought me dating. We made plans, and I shed some of my stress. This weekend, the girls wanted to go with a friend and her parents to the coast. It would be a three or four hour drive each way. They left at five in the morning, and were to be back before midnight, so I made plans to spend the day and late evening with my new beau.

During the week and on the weekend, I got hit with comments about my irresponsibility, my inconsistency, and my Pollyanna attitude about finding work. In particular, I had been hit with comments from other parents about my children. On Saturday, I called Moon only once, and asked how she was doing. I asked when they expected to be back, because she was in the care of a couple of adults, I relyed on their schedule. Then, I discovered that I did not have the current cell numbers of the adults! Moon called, but didn´t talk much because of poor reception, but she had said they were leaving at 9pm. Before it cut off, I told her to text me when she arrived in SA. She said that the dad would drive her to our home.

They were not here at midnight. I called Moon with no answer. I called Agent Em with no answer. I left messages. I called or left a message every half hour all night long. Finally, just after my 8am call, Moon called me. She explained that she had said that they were staying the night at her friend´s house before coming home in the morning. She had been so tired, they forgot to text me when they arrived. With the bad reception, I had not all heard all of that. I only heard the part about coming home. I had determined that I would not call the police until 9am, so it was good that she had awakened with my last call.

For a few hours last week, I had relaxed and didn´t keep all my focus on the girls. Now, my neck and shoulders have returned to feeling like teak mounted on mahogany. My personal life is going to have to wait a few more years, because my children come first.

110630 Just a Day in Which I was Bummed About Politics

I should have read the Word this morning. After this, I shall. Political commentary makes me angry, as does lack of a certain kind of exercise. Neither situation is anything new in my life. In the early 70s, I took history from a brash native Texan with a famous Texan surname. She taught me world history and/or American history. (Texas history was taught in 4th and 7th grades by other native Texans who drilled FREEDOM into my head. Texan Braveheart, anyone? My high school history teacher was certainly of Scottish descent.)

One comment she made may have been a quote, but I clearly remember the way she said it. "Tell a lie long enough and loudly enough, and the people will believe it." She was referring to Hitler's claim of German superiority. As a German descendant, from a town with a German name and a region made up of a great many German descendants, I know that Germans do a lot of things well. Few cultures match theirs in diligence, perseverance, and attention to detail. At one time, the finest machines and the finest engineers came from Germany. That is why such a tiny country almost took over the world in the last century. Even as late as the 1960s, it was GERMAN scientists who provided the brain power for the space race. That, however, does not make them 'superior'.

Today, politicians are blasting us with other lies. Here is a partial list:
1. Man has more effect on climate than the sun does. Tell that to the dinosaurs.
2. Keynesian economics works, or Reagonomics was a fluke that simply appeared to work. Reagan turned what was almost another Great Depression into prosperity inside of three years, and that was while fighting Congress every step of the way AND backing down the USSR.
3. American liberals are kind. (They physically and openly attack anyone who does not agree with them -- on sight. 'Hate speech' and derogatory terms from a liberal are not considered 'hate speech'. Example, calling Sarah Palin's daughter a 'cunt' is truth, but pointing out that the decline of two-parent families has lead to more juvenile crime is 'hate speech', even when facts and figures prove it. There are more examples of this than I can even recall! Some vicious acts have been done to people I know personally!)
4. All conservatives are either wealthy CEOs who cheated to get their money, or ignorant, inbred poor white trash who just do what they are told. (I am a free thinker who is neither rich nor ignorant. Neither do any of my conservative friends fit that description.)
5. American oil companies make too much money, but Venezuela, Iran, and Iraq don't? (American oil companies want to hire Americans, and they make less than 1% profit. The other countries make 1000% profit, or more, and that money goes straight into terrorism.)

Can we come back from this? Or are people my age and younger so indoctrinated into the socialist propaganda of 'equal results'? Everyone is NOT the same! Some people work harder or work smarter than others. Some people want a free ride without effort. Some people have higher moral standards. Some people say there is no such thing as a moral standard. Some people work for the greater good. Some people actually pay attention and know that the greater good is the freedom to make mistakes.

Only God can sort out this mess. Is this the end? Oh, that would be convenient! I'm sure that many people have wished that in other terrible times. What is the worst it can get? I'm sorry, but I can imagine it a lot worse. World wide communism? World wide Islam? Something like The Matrix, where humans are all slaves? Yes, it can get worse. It will get worse when Christ takes away all those who are born again. We are all that stands against total chaos. As bad as it seems to be, we are not yet seeing the wrath to come!

110629 Car Update

Took it to the shop, and it will cost $2000 to $3000 to fix, and that does not include body parts! I am reusing what was damaged. While the car runs, there was significant damage in the engine compartment. She has a job, now. Guess all the proceeds will be going to the car. The good news is that a friend is loaning me a vehicle for the week.

110627 Car Accident.

Moon had a car accident while driving two friends to something. She was not going to tell anyone, but it was difficult to hide. The SUV she hit didn't seem to have any damage whatsoever, but the driver filed a claim with our insurance anyway. Our car may be undrivable. The hood will not go back into place, and the body has been pushed so that one of the back doors is crinkled. The steering did something really odd yesterday, and it makes extra loud road noise. To top it off, Moon resented it when I took her keys! She wants to know why she cannot drive. Two accidents in two months maybe? She will have to pay for her own insurance now, too. I will not be able afford to cover her with this kind of record.

110623 Depressing

All week, my feet have been swollen. Today it is particularly painful. Finally, we got some rain Tuesday night, and my daughter has the dreaded 80s Hair. Like my sister, she could have said, "Some people pay a lot of money to make their hair look like this!" It is not, however, the 80s, and she will spend a useless hour with the hair straightener. An hour after that, the curls will come back.

How can I get a job if I cannot stand? Two people told me to look into medical billing at home. I looked into it. I am not qualified, because I have to have a certain education and/or bonding. Bonding sounded expensive and complicated. A friend recommended that I do tech support for computer and other electronics. Fine, I took the company test and failed it by one point. Test giver said to take it again in a couple of days. The next time I took the test, I missed a lot more questions. I don't even know what to study. I'm too old, too educated, too ignorant, too much a relic of a time passed.

I have enough money from the house to live for awhile, but that will be gone and what will I have? I feel so useless. If I didn't have the girls, I would just die. Guess I'm not a fighter.

110614 Bad Attitude

I have a bad attitude today. It may be I am suffering withdrawal from ginsing, taurine and l-carnitine...

Twenty Questions

1. Make a list of 5 things that you wish were in reach: JT, water, exercise bike, TV controls, margarita

2. What is your favorite holiday? Resurrection Sunday

3. What is one item of clothing you wish you could always wear? T-shirt

4. What do you plan to do after this meme? Check mail

5. What are you listening to right now? "Stricken" by Disturbed

6. Who was the last person you hugged? Agent for her help mopping triumph.

7. What random song just popped in your head now? "Broken, Beat, and Scarred" by Metallica

8. What did you do today? Got up, washed clothes, took Ariel home, dropped Moon at Espi's, went to bank, answered call, ran home, stopped leak, and mopped. Then cooked supper and now computer time.

9. What was the last text message you received? "Any Bookcases?"

10. What websites do you always visit when you go online? Facebook. I spend far too much time there.

11. What is your next big planned purchase? A home.

12. If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Back to Alaska

13. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Retired and living in an RV

14. Where's your tattoo/Where would you like a tattoo? Where's your piercing/Where would you like a piercing? One hole in each ear is quite enough. No tattoos. Ever.

15. What are you doing this weekend? talking with my landlord sat, then Pentacost celebration Sunday.

16. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play? I already play piano, flute, drums, and chanter. I want to learn bagpipes and banjo.

17. What's the one thing you need the most now? JT

18. Are you a creeper? Only to creepy people.

19. What was the last thing you ate? Japanese Sea Grass

20. Do you play the game? Nope, and YOU LOSE!

110609 Two Views

There are two ways one can look at this. Today is karate day, but Agent decided to stay home while Moon and I went out. The bank finally got their computers fixed, so I got my money and was tending to bills when I received an uncharacteristic voice call from Agent.

One way to look at what happened next is to moan about 'why!?' "Haven't we suffered enough!!!!"

I decided that there was a bright side.

1. Normally, Agent would have gone with us to town, but she stayed home.
2. Normally, when she stays home, she sleeps or sinks her full attention into video games.
3. Normally, when a problem seems insurmountable, she gives up.

Today, she noticed that water was leaking from the laundry room.

1. She got a towel and made a dam for the water.
2. She called me, and tried to follow my instructions to turn off the water main.
3. She mopped until she almost puked.

I am proud of my little sweetie. She is growing up just fine.

110529 Fast

Yes, I tend to act quickly in many areas of my life, with few regrets. At first, I wondered who this guy was who answered my post about Leos. He looked like some lost old hippy. Then I noticed that many of his answers on the website matched mine. We typed and exchanged yahoo addresses. Hmm. Soon, we exchanged phone numbers. His voice resounds with music and laughter. That matters. Each time we talk, it is the chatter of old friends, and we add more depth to our common interests and opinions. How can we mesh so well without having spent time together?

I have known him only about a week, but it feels like half a lifetime. He is a Texas resident caught on the other side of the flooded Mississippi. He expects to be here in about a week. We have decided that if that meeting goes well, it will be time to talk of the long term.

I said I was fast.

110527

110527

Another asshole has come and gone. He wasn’t married, but he had been living with a girlfriend for 2 years. She found his phone, and called me because I had sent him a text message. I thought I was teaching the Word to the guy, but he turned out to be after something else. Apparently, he had a string of females who sent him feel good messages and even pictures. No wonder so many women cry that men are pigs!

110515 Smoking

Here is a response I put on a friend's post:

It had already started with public buildings, then proceeded into private areas. It's the continuation of a trend towards universal control. I am allergic to the point of ER visits, but I view this as a disturbing trend into the rights of others. Even when smoking was prevalent, (or even cool), there were places those of us who didn't could go. If an establishment failed to provide a non-smoking area, I just didn't go there. I voted with my feet. This trend to legislate our health has more than a few disturbing ramifications, and we need to fight it tooth and nail if we want to retain our right to make choices!

This question seems to be about the health hazards of smoking, but it is not! It's about our right to choose! Once they eliminate smoking through legislation, they will attack alcohol without regard to what people value. ( Verses ) I wish that smoking tobacco had never been discovered, but it was, and people have a right to choose. Friends who smoke don't do so around me. That makes them friends. If they quit, I would rejoice. If they don't, however, they are still friends!

After alcohol and tobacco are gone, then go the firearms. Firearms have been under attack for decades, because only free people can have them. All of the Old Testament is for our learning, (Romans 15:4). What was all over the OT? Physical battles where weapons were used! Is the world suddenly safe? Are we protected all the time? I'm not giving up MY gun, thank-you!

What about food? Food is dangerous, they say. The Center for Science in the Public Interest uses only that data which supports their claims. For that finite group of people they want to force the rest of us to give up the foods we like and eat the foods they think will make us healthy. Not everyone can eat the same foods. For instance, I cannot consume anything with cow's milk in it, which includes most processed foods, cheese, milk, ice cream, whey, cassain, cream, etc. Some of those things they don't like, but I can't have the things they do! I'm allergic to gluten, so that eliminates most of the rest of processed foods, as well as most grains, which of the rest of the non-animal sources of protein. Between allergies and intolerances, I'm left with a few fruits, most vegetables, and meat. I cringe every time the CSPI makes an announcement, because they are trying to take away another of my choices, like Carl's Jr.

Where will it end? Regulations on business kill jobs. Regulations on products cause shortages. People don't know how to vote with their feet anymore! They want some bigger bully to beat up who and what they perceive as their bully. Yes, government can take care of us, but they will do it by taking our prosperity and making us subjects and slaves! No thank-you! That's what happened to the children of Israel in Egypt. They let Joseph rescue them, but then they didn't pay back the debt! After a generation of living the good life in Egypt, they became slaves! The pattern is there for us to see; think! Don't give over your right to choose just because you don't like the choices of another! There is always another way. We need to repel laws, not make more of them.

Tags: freedom, politics, rights

110513

Moon had an accident yesterday. No one was hurt. Some bumpers were scratched. Sigh. She is pretty upset. We didn't need more drama, but in the larger scheme of things, it's minor.

110507

Not feeling so great. Sad and frustrated. My dad wants me to hire a lawyer to figure it out the house sale and the mess between the county and the state. I don't know what to do. It just seems like an impossible tangle. I'm glad I decided to sell, because if I were under the pressure of time and necessity, I'd really be hysterical about it. We do have a time limit, but God can deal with it. The buyers are getting married today, and his loan qualification ends on the 18th. It would be best if we can resolve this before then.

Rudy, bless his heart, wants to be my big brother. (We nixed any hint of romance, because we make better friends.) I think he would consider harming some of the guys I've met lately. He tells me that I am beautiful, and should have no problem finding guys. So why do I?

1. Married guys on the prowl stink. I've drop kicked two of those.
2. Some guys just want a piece of ass.
3. Some guys just want money.
4. If a guy is over 45 and never married, there is a dang good reason for it!

Life sucks right now.

Still Alive

I have another date on Wednesday. We decided to meet for lunch. Guess I'll have to post on Thursday. Got me a portable Internet device. It works OK, as long as we are away from Somerset.

I had a dear friend. She was always cheerful and spoke positively of life.

She died Friday afternoon. We're having a memorial service for her tomorrow. Selling the house, moving, cleaning, crying, soothing the girls, dealing with legal issues: it's all jumbled up in my brain, and I don't know how to act.

1 Thessolonians 5:13-18

The Difference in Love

Eros is often bashed by Christians who don't understand that it is also romantic love. Romance is often pleasant and covers a wide variety of behaviors. It's not just sex, but usually leads to it. It is infatuation and being 'in love'.

Agape is the love of God in the renewed mind in manifestation. It knows no boundaries, and is completely and utterly unselfish.

Phileo is the love of friendship or brotherly love.

I had agape for someone because he needed the Word. I developed phileo for him as we talked and shared the Word together. Unfortunately, I think I am also in love. I have all the symptoms, even to the point of feeling distress when I don't get to see him. It seems to be unrequited.

I am old enough to deal with this, but I still don't like it! He might change where he goes to fellowship, and that could help. I'm sorry it happened this way. I needed his calm.

Plans and Happenstance

Rudy was supposed to come over last night, but he let it slip him mind. I called him and insisted that he come. I needed to talk to him face to face. Stress causes confusion, and I have a lot of both. We talked for hours. He doesn't want to hurt me, because he's not sure I'm right for him, and he's wondering if I'll get bored and leave. He thinks too much. That, however, is one of his charms. If possible, he is the exact opposite of Raymond. He is dependable, steady, predictable, and deep. Raymond was as substantial and as permanent as the prairie wind. It almost always blows, but the direction continually changes.

One of my strongest characteristics is loyalty. In 1998, right after Agent Em was born, Raymond and I had an argument about the usual: paying bills. He had came home with another 12-pack and a roll of chew, but utilities were in arrears. It frustrated me! Before stalking off to work, he adjusted the kerosene heater and put a 10-gallon pot of water on it. When I'm angry, I clean. Moon was 4, so I had her get the trash. She decided to put the can on her head and walk blind -- right into the pot of boiling water!

According to the ER, I did everything right to save her and to get her to the hospital, but the poor dear had to be put on morphine and kept for a couple of days. On the second night, exhausted me was sent home and Raymond was to stay overnight in her hospital room. What happened next is a mystery, because it makes no sense, and Raymond would not and will not clarify. He 'went to the bathroom', which is in the same room. Somehow, he missed Moon crying. He missed her calling for someone to help her get to the bathroom. He missed her pulling the IV tubing until it broke. He missed her tearing the IV out of her arm. How?

Our minister advised me to divorce him then. I couldn't. I saw the good in him, and believed that he could return to it. He was put on probation with our ministry, and eventually became better and welcomed back -- until recently, which story is public here, on my page on Live Journal, and at the SA Express News web site.

I told this story to Rudy to demonstrate the duel nature of my ex and his former friend, and to give an example of my loyalty index. Loyalty is important to him. Afterwards, he asked the girls and me to move into his house after the sale of mine is final. He insisted that it not be as a lover, but as a friend who needed help moving. I'm going to think about it.

Friends

After I assured Roger that I wasn't angry with him, he asked if we could remain just friends. Fine my me. I'm still a Christian, and if he wants to hear the Word, he can stick around. What I like about Rudy is that we excitedly discuss the Word, and we don't let personal problems separate us from God.

Interesting thing happened yesterday. Roger recognized a picture of Raymond and started swearing. He called him a rat-assed bastard and a drunk. Wow. I didn't expect that. Obviously, they had met. They were both truckers and bikers, so it's not that far-fetched. I thought Raymond got along with everyone. He had been telling me that all the problems in our relationship were my fault, and I had believed it. Things are changing.

I feel younger and happier than I have in years.

Out With the New, In With the Old

Roger got the boot. Rudy says he is fine with an arrangement, so we plan to have dinner at my house once a week. Girls will be at karate.

Can I Make This Dry and Boring?

Warning, this is not the kind of thing that nice Christian ladies discuss. I was going to title it "Sex", but decided that I didn't want a thousand hits. I'm pretty sure that only one person reads this, and sex between consenting adults is not illegal. I have tremendous drive in this area, so stop reading if this bothers you. I talked for a long time with Jeremy last night. One thing about our former relationship, is that it has granted us a particular closeness, and we can discuss anything. He was amused when I told him about it.

Then Roger called. He is an Aries who lives in San Antonio, but I met him online in a place where people my age meet. Roger is a disgusting low-life without a moral compass, but he is very good at this hobby of his. He and I have been talking about sex for awhile, then yesterday, I met him for lunch and got a tour of the back of his semi. He was amused that I talked about him to a 20-something. Men are so easily entertained.

I sound like a jaded bitch. In some ways, I am. I know what sex is. It's not dirty and it doesn't send a person to hell. It's a physical act that satisfies a craving. It was meant to bring a husband and a wife closer together. (Procreation is a wonderful by-product of sex.) It can be wrong in two instances: adultery (when one is married to someone else) and fornication (religious or ritualistic sex). That leaves a lot of room for a lot of sex. I'm free of the bond of marriage. The problem arises with the biochemical part of sex. Women 'fall in love' with their partners. I'm not in love with Roger. I'm still in love with Rudy. That's OK. Rudy is my brother in Christ. I will love him in some form forever. If he wants to continue with the romance after he finishes his class, I would welcome that. If not, my heart will heal, and I'll love him as a brother. Roger was just an experiment to remove pressure and stress.

Eventually, I may marry again. Rudy would be a good husband, but I won't marry until Agent Em finishes high school in 2016. That's a long time to to wait.

Lost

No one likes to be around an emotional train wreck, but today I can't stop crying. I want someone to hold me, but there is no one. This isn't a job for my girls.

Valentine's Day

It didn't bother me, except for all the teens crying about being 'alone' for 16 or 17 years. Oh good grief! What a bunch of babies! It's just another day!

I invited someone to my house. We had a previous relationship as "Raymond's Friend" and "Raymond's Wife". I knew what I was doing, (mostly), but he tried to keep all the guilt. The girls were out celebrating Moon's birthday late into the night, so the house was empty. He came over for dinner and a DVD. I picked an action movie, and we started watching. About half-way through, I leaned on his shoulder...

I'm not sorry, but I am. I wanted to date, and this gentleman was reasonably safe. That very safety is the problem. I was too comfortable with him, and that happened.

There is a bio-chemical reaction that takes place within the brains of people having sex. It's even recorded in the Bible. Ephesians 5 tells men three times to love their wives, but never tells the women to love. It tells the women to have respect. Why? Finally, medical science caught up to God's Word and discovered that when men have sex, they feel protective, but not loving. Some demonstrate this protectiveness by attempting ownership of the woman. Others simply hurt if the woman doesn't accept the protection. The last few decades, women have been taught that they don't need protection, so this study is not politically correct. Women, on the other hand feel either love or hate after sex. (The only time I ever felt the hate was after I was raped.) I love. I liked Rudy before Tuesday night, but now... Dang it! I'm in love. It will fade with time, but right now, it feels awful.

It feels awful, because we decided that it was too soon. My timing was off, and I had meant to stop it, to go so far and no further. For a variety of reasons, we needed to wait a couple of months, but I let it happen. He let it happen. Now, we are distracted at the very time we need to stay focused on other responsibilities. He's feeling all protective of me, and I can't respond the way I want to respond. The girls know that we are developing a closeness, but unless Moon's perceptions are on overdrive, she doesn't really know anything. She did seem panicked when I suggested that I might like to date men. Agent Em, on the other hand, told me it was OK, as long as they are nice to me.

The only time I cheated on my husband was in my own mind. I fantasized about people, and even let my heart and mind run away with me about certain others, but I never physically had sex with a man not my husband. This man was often around, but I hardly considered him a threat to our marriage. He was "Raymond's Friend", and after simple greetings, they always went off to do 'man things' together. You would think their friendship, I would have felt some kind of weirdness or guilt about Tuesday night, but I didn't. The only thing I felt was the betrayal of my own self-discipline, and how I may have placed a stumbling block in my friend's path to his own short-term goals.

This sounds like a soap opera, and I sound like a drama queen. Maybe so, but I think I was like this before I married, too. I simply never told anyone. I wrote poetry instead.

Today Was Tough

Obviously, I didn't have the perfect marriage. It was comfortable, and I saw myself in it until one of us died. I certainly didn't expect what happened.

What does that have to do with today? A man close to where I live had been Raymond's friend for a couple of years. He started riding with me to fellowship, so I called he this morning to encourage him to take the class our ministry offers. It will be starting next month. He didn't answer his phone, but he did call back a couple of hours later.

We talked for 45 minutes. He told me about a woman who had been 'bothering' him. He wants her to go away, and he asked for advice. I gave it to him. I spoke the Word to him. I told him again to register for this class on the Bible. That wasn't the difficult part.

The difficult part was my libido. I'm single now, and I've been without for a long time. :(