Plans and Happenstance

Rudy was supposed to come over last night, but he let it slip him mind. I called him and insisted that he come. I needed to talk to him face to face. Stress causes confusion, and I have a lot of both. We talked for hours. He doesn't want to hurt me, because he's not sure I'm right for him, and he's wondering if I'll get bored and leave. He thinks too much. That, however, is one of his charms. If possible, he is the exact opposite of Raymond. He is dependable, steady, predictable, and deep. Raymond was as substantial and as permanent as the prairie wind. It almost always blows, but the direction continually changes.

One of my strongest characteristics is loyalty. In 1998, right after Agent Em was born, Raymond and I had an argument about the usual: paying bills. He had came home with another 12-pack and a roll of chew, but utilities were in arrears. It frustrated me! Before stalking off to work, he adjusted the kerosene heater and put a 10-gallon pot of water on it. When I'm angry, I clean. Moon was 4, so I had her get the trash. She decided to put the can on her head and walk blind -- right into the pot of boiling water!

According to the ER, I did everything right to save her and to get her to the hospital, but the poor dear had to be put on morphine and kept for a couple of days. On the second night, exhausted me was sent home and Raymond was to stay overnight in her hospital room. What happened next is a mystery, because it makes no sense, and Raymond would not and will not clarify. He 'went to the bathroom', which is in the same room. Somehow, he missed Moon crying. He missed her calling for someone to help her get to the bathroom. He missed her pulling the IV tubing until it broke. He missed her tearing the IV out of her arm. How?

Our minister advised me to divorce him then. I couldn't. I saw the good in him, and believed that he could return to it. He was put on probation with our ministry, and eventually became better and welcomed back -- until recently, which story is public here, on my page on Live Journal, and at the SA Express News web site.

I told this story to Rudy to demonstrate the duel nature of my ex and his former friend, and to give an example of my loyalty index. Loyalty is important to him. Afterwards, he asked the girls and me to move into his house after the sale of mine is final. He insisted that it not be as a lover, but as a friend who needed help moving. I'm going to think about it.