151214 Rights We Have

Romans 3:22-24

(22) Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:

(23) For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

(24) Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:

We have the right to ask God for help, and He will always supply it. Sometimes, we don't know how to ask, or we don't think we can ask. Some even think that it is weakness to ask. I believe that my ex-husband fell into all three categories.

He never, ever wanted to admit to a weakness. He had to do everything on his own. He also felt so much guilt for certain things that he projected that guilt onto everyone else. That is, he compared his own sins with the "bigger" sins of others. Finally, he wouldn't just let go and let God handle his problems.

It's no secret what happened to him and to us, but is it profitable to discuss it further? Let's just say that in 2010, this stay at home mom of sixteen years was fighting for her life in the hospital while CPS, ATF, and certain state agencies were trying to take her children, her farm, and her freedom over something her unbelieving husband had done.

It's good to have friends, because they helped me to survive. My greatest Friend, however, has been God. He healed me. He made me free. He preserved my children. He it is that prospered me. He gave unto me righteousness, as stated in 1 Corinthians 1:30. He never forsakes the righteous, Psalm 37:25. A person has to walk away from God to lose righteousness. One has to remove himself from God's protection in order to get away from it. God is not a man that He should lie! If He made a promise, He will keep it!

Therefore, with faithfulness and adherence to good nutrition, I shall regain all of my health!

150707 Cream, No Coffee

Have you ever read the book, Eat Right 4 Your Type? A lot of nutritionists and natural food affectionados hate it, because it challenges everything we 'know' about food. I found it compelling, but the author said that Type Os that followed the Type O diet would find it so. I have type O blood, and I used to be a vegetarian. I was sick all the time. ER4YT convinced me to go on the Atkins. My personal diet looks like Atkins meets Bullet Proof. (Sorry - got busy and quit posting it.)

Type Os have to eat meat and must avoid grains and dairy products. When I did that, my lifelong eczema cleared up. I had smooth skin for the first time in my life. Itching stopped. Flatulence stopped. The ringing in my ears stopped, and I gained energy. The list of foods a person can and cannot have is detailed and perplexing, so one must carry the list everywhere. My ex and my elder daughter have Type A blood, so they had to eat opposite what I did. It made meal times complicated. She prepares her own vegetarian fare while my other daughter and I consume our carnivorous delights. My ex has to eat what they give him.

This brings me to coffee. I miss coffee. Coffee is bad for Type Os. We can have tea. We cannot drink tea with impunity. We must confine our tea drinking to green tea -- small amounts of green tea. Apparently, caffeine is bad for us. Type As, however, thrive on it. They may have mass quantities of strong, hot coffee! It is considered to be HIGHLY BENEFICIAL for them to drink coffee. My daughter lives off of the stuff. She drinks coffee like a marine, i.e., black, no sugar, and strong enough to stand without the cup. I miss coffee.

130609 IRS and Blogging

The confirmation that certain government officials and agencies were targeting certain people and groups has me bugged. For two years, I have not been able to file a tax return electronically due to unknown complications that resulted in rejection by the IRS. An H&R Block representative told me that I made too little to bother with filing, so I avoided the hassle and didn't. What happens when I do make enough to have to file? I post a lot political dissent. Have I been targeted for my divisive public opinions? For my associations? My relations? Am I paranoid? Some say I have a right to be paranoid, considering my history.

On a technicality in 2010, I was denied medicaid for emergency surgery, and my children were denied food stamps in 2011. They said I had three cars. The State of Texas had taken two of them, but they were officially titled to me. I had to sell my farm, so no benefits. My daughter is doing OK with work and college, but I can't find a job I can do. My skills and education are outdated, because in twenty years, I hadn't worked outside the home. My chosen profession needs to be 'cutting edge', not 'tried and true'. More generically obtainable work is too physically taxing for my current health. I suck at sales.

No work seems to be available, and the money from the sale of the farm has been spent. No large items remain to be sold. Moon has to finish college, but she's self motivated and will be able to complete her goals. Agent still needs direct action on her preparation for adulthood. My biggest expenses are the phones and automobile expenses. We owe nothing on the cars, but insurance and maintenance cost quite a bit.

Phone and Internet cost $160 a month. Selling the cars will save $5000/year, not counting gasoline. In August, the contract with the phones and the Internet expires. If nothing changes with my income, I shall cancel everything  Just sayin'. If I disappear at that time, it's because I am living off the grid. The grid costs money I don't have. Maybe I will live longer that way.

130507 Joy is an Inside Job - Prosperity

Sometimes, we have the wrong expectations. This is cultural. Joy is an inside job; it depends on the Word in our hearts. It doesn't change the circumstances, but it does change what the circumstances do to us. When my children were younger, periodically I would have them write a list of things for which to give thanks. This may sound flippant, but the elder once wrote that she was thankful for air. She was serious. She explained that without air we couldn't breathe, and if we couldn't breathe, we would die, so she decided to thank God for air. It is too easy to dwell on what we don't have and ignore what we do.

Whenever I feel that my finances are not where they should be, I give more. When no money comes in, I give away stuff I'm not using. Sometimes, I consider whether I really need stuff I do use, especially if it costs money to maintain. My Branch Coordinator once asked me how we even paid our bills with our limited income. I simply determined not to have any bills.

I may have attended every Word in Business and Profession Conference there ever was. I know I was at the first and the last. At one of them, a presenter said to a group, "You already make enough money, lower your expenses." I really took that to heart. What I cut would not do for everyone, and what I kept others might cut. A State Coordinator once told me that if one really needs a Lexis, God will provide it. Few, however, really need that Lexis.

We have no TV reception, no cable, no satellite. No packaged dinners, no microwave oven, no home phone, no eating out, no new clothes. If it costs money, we analyze everything about it. We do have a home, two cars, and plenty of food. Often, when we need something, someone else gives it to us. After the divorce in early 2011, my two girls were denied food stamps on a technicality. We had been getting them while married, because his income was so low.

"Fine", I told myself. I had already managed to pay all his debt, and noticed how much freer we felt. I realized that we could live without him and without government help. We depend on God, now.
It hasn't been easy, and I'm still looking for steady employment. An idea I have is to teach other people how to live on less by teaching old fashioned Home Economics classes. We have a large homeschool community, so that would be an ideal place for me to start.

130413 Alone

Today, I was alone all day. Since mid-February of 1994, 'alone' has not been my normal state. I was alone for a few weeks in 2010. THAT ended badly. Previously, I had been alone for whole hours at a time, but those weeks in 2010 (and today) were different. My future altered. Soon, I will be alone, because my children will grow into adulthood and devise lives for themselves. I thought about having a panic attack.

Agent spent the night with a friend, and is still out doing cos-play. I'll go get her in a few. I woke this morning with a sense of loss. She was gone, and I could feel it. Moon also went to work. After work, she went out with friends. I'm alone with the bunnies. Bunnies fail at companionship.

The national news is depressing. This is not helping that empty feeling. Historic forces cycle approximately every eighty years, according to a couple of historians who wrote an interesting book: Generations. If what they say is true, we are living through the equivalent of the Great Depression, and world affairs will become a lot worse before there is a glimmer of better. Of course, some camps proclaim that Obama in the Anti-Christ, or even Hitler. No, he's simply making a name for himself, and the US will never recover. Rights we took for granted may disappear forever in the name of 'safety'. Privacy and individual responsibility have disappeared from our society. My attitude is this:

1 Thessalonians 5:3 
"For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape."

The only peace is with God, and freedom is not safe.

120430 My One Fear

For years, my only fear was what this man went through. Ironically, now that my ex is gone, so is the fear.

120327 Three Year Old Pictures

Moon posted. She reveals herself this way. Mrs. Sensei seems to be everything Sensei is not. He is expressive and open, while she is private and protective. She asked Moon to remove a picture from her Facebook album. I gave Mrs Sensei the 'like' button for that. I have asked Moon to remove items, to conceal items, to stop playing "that awful music"! (Bread) I tried to be sensitive about it, because I knew that she was hurting, too.

The picture was of Sensei giving an award to a certain young woman. When that picture was taken, it was the best of times. She had been Moon's best friend and a leader among her peers. At the end of 2008, we had no inkling of what was going to play out in the next two years. Moon says that in her heart and mind, that girl died. She loves her still, but considers the creature that took her place to be a doppelganger. The same doppelganger took her dad, too.

I know the girl exists. I accidentally saw her on the street about a year ago. She turned away, maybe because she was the one who actually made and planted the bombs. She knows that I know that. She, however, is 'free'. She got probation only, and continues with her life. Such is the way of 'justice'.

I don't have to worry about it. Worldly justice can do its own thing.
( Bible stuff )
Eventually, Evil will consume itself.

110923 Missed Call

Inmate Locator - Locate Federal inmates from 1982 to present

Name Register # Age-Race-Sex Release Date Location 1. RAYMOND XXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXX-XXX 48-White-M 05-22-2019 IN TRANSIT

110816

Yesterday, I went to see a friend with an disturbingly familiar story. She told me that of all her friends, I was the one who could understand.

Last week, her husband was caught in the midst of doing things that were illegal, immoral, and utterly stupid. Unlike Raymond, his response was to put a bullet into his own brain. That variation has given her situation both advantages and disadvantages when compared to mine. We discussed them, and decided that at least we had each other. Now, support groups make sense to me. I know what crazy emotions are tearing though her brain, and she knows I know!

We have been friends for 5 or 6 years, and met as SAHMs in a homeschool group. Our children are of similar age. Like Moon did for me, her elder daughter is trying to 'handle' everything. The younger ones act like nothing has happened, which is what Agent did. Her eldest is in college, and my friend plans to continue homeschooling the 12yo and 14yo. Texas law says that 12yo children can stay home alone while she works.

We joked that the world ended sometime last year, but our psyches simply have not processed the info.

"...That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!"

110507

Not feeling so great. Sad and frustrated. My dad wants me to hire a lawyer to figure it out the house sale and the mess between the county and the state. I don't know what to do. It just seems like an impossible tangle. I'm glad I decided to sell, because if I were under the pressure of time and necessity, I'd really be hysterical about it. We do have a time limit, but God can deal with it. The buyers are getting married today, and his loan qualification ends on the 18th. It would be best if we can resolve this before then.

Rudy, bless his heart, wants to be my big brother. (We nixed any hint of romance, because we make better friends.) I think he would consider harming some of the guys I've met lately. He tells me that I am beautiful, and should have no problem finding guys. So why do I?

1. Married guys on the prowl stink. I've drop kicked two of those.
2. Some guys just want a piece of ass.
3. Some guys just want money.
4. If a guy is over 45 and never married, there is a dang good reason for it!

Life sucks right now.