Today, I was alone all day. Since mid-February of 1994, 'alone' has not been my normal state. I was alone for a few weeks in 2010. THAT ended badly. Previously, I had been alone for whole hours at a time, but those weeks in 2010 (and today) were different. My future altered. Soon, I will be alone, because my children will grow into adulthood and devise lives for themselves. I thought about having a panic attack.
Agent spent the night with a friend, and is still out doing cos-play. I'll go get her in a few. I woke this morning with a sense of loss. She was gone, and I could feel it. Moon also went to work. After work, she went out with friends. I'm alone with the bunnies. Bunnies fail at companionship.
The national news is depressing. This is not helping that empty feeling. Historic forces cycle approximately every eighty years, according to a couple of historians who wrote an interesting book: Generations. If what they say is true, we are living through the equivalent of the Great Depression, and world affairs will become a lot worse before there is a glimmer of better. Of course, some camps proclaim that Obama in the Anti-Christ, or even Hitler. No, he's simply making a name for himself, and the US will never recover. Rights we took for granted may disappear forever in the name of 'safety'. Privacy and individual responsibility have disappeared from our society. My attitude is this:
1 Thessalonians 5:3
"For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape."
The only peace is with God, and freedom is not safe.
Yes, it was rather strange when Helene moved out. In a couple of years, Simen will be moving out too. It will be very empty and I'm not sure how I will deal with that.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I am more appreciative to the internet now that Helene lives 3 hours away. We chat more than we phone and it's "free". She still needs to tell me about what goes on in her life and demands I tell her about what goes on at home.
In May I'll be visiting her with a friend. Since she lives with 3 room mates, or stays with her boyfriend in his little flat, we're staying at a hotel. Ellen and I have been friends for so long, we're just going to share a room, which makes it affordable.
I honestly think that having a dog that needs my care daily, will help me deal when both kids are gone.
Runar will of course be around as usual, but his needs are a lot more selfish - if that makes sense. It's not the same