Saturday, January 29, 2011
If I Hate the Internet, Why Do I Come Here?
I don't feel good, and some child online is pestering me.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Writer's Block: Conversion Rate
"Have you ever considered converting to another religion?"
Sure. I checked out quite a few of them. I cycled through the top five: Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. For awhile, Star Trek was my religion. Star Wars came close, and the Stargate universe captured my attention. Paganism was fascinating. Asatru, rather than the Egyption pantheon, was my favorite. (That's why I have Thor's Hammer.) It was happy and fun and had a good system of values. There was, however, a roadblock. In my journeyings, I had become born again. Try as I might, I could not get God's seed out of me. Therefore, while I can talk intelligently concerning many religions, and have true affection for some, I have Christ in me, the hope of glory. (Colosians 1:27)
Sunday, I'm teaching on the conversion of Paul! This is a well timed Writer's Block!
Sure. I checked out quite a few of them. I cycled through the top five: Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. For awhile, Star Trek was my religion. Star Wars came close, and the Stargate universe captured my attention. Paganism was fascinating. Asatru, rather than the Egyption pantheon, was my favorite. (That's why I have Thor's Hammer.) It was happy and fun and had a good system of values. There was, however, a roadblock. In my journeyings, I had become born again. Try as I might, I could not get God's seed out of me. Therefore, while I can talk intelligently concerning many religions, and have true affection for some, I have Christ in me, the hope of glory. (Colosians 1:27)
Sunday, I'm teaching on the conversion of Paul! This is a well timed Writer's Block!
Writer's Block from Live Journal
"What's your most debilitating insecurity? Do you think you'll ever overcome it?"
Why does the questioner assume that insecurities are debilitating? Insecurities are an opportunity to grow! Too many of us have been taught that excuses for bad behavior outweigh the training of good behavior. Events of the last 6 months have suggested to me that I should simply curl up and die! It seemed too difficult to bear, and I almost did die. My children, however, needed me. Friends helped me. Life continues. Have you ever seen a blade of grass push through the pavement? Have you ever seen a scraggly tree cling to a cliff? Have you ever spent time in the desert? Life moves on! If life gets you down, spend time with the plants, the ants, and consider how hard it is to get rid of cockroaches.
I have a friend who offers to post a verse from the Bible to counteract insecurities. That is totally possible; in fact, one could do 3 verses for every fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 gives us that pattern.
Thank-you lj friends for listening to my black rants when I was down, and for cheering when I got back up.
Why does the questioner assume that insecurities are debilitating? Insecurities are an opportunity to grow! Too many of us have been taught that excuses for bad behavior outweigh the training of good behavior. Events of the last 6 months have suggested to me that I should simply curl up and die! It seemed too difficult to bear, and I almost did die. My children, however, needed me. Friends helped me. Life continues. Have you ever seen a blade of grass push through the pavement? Have you ever seen a scraggly tree cling to a cliff? Have you ever spent time in the desert? Life moves on! If life gets you down, spend time with the plants, the ants, and consider how hard it is to get rid of cockroaches.
I have a friend who offers to post a verse from the Bible to counteract insecurities. That is totally possible; in fact, one could do 3 verses for every fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 gives us that pattern.
Thank-you lj friends for listening to my black rants when I was down, and for cheering when I got back up.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Soon
For Those Who Care...
My attorney called this morning. On February 7, 2011, I shall be single again.
Just in time for Moon's birthday. Happy birthday, Sweetie! /sarcasm.
(Agent Em still refuses to talk about any of it.)
My attorney called this morning. On February 7, 2011, I shall be single again.
Just in time for Moon's birthday. Happy birthday, Sweetie! /sarcasm.
(Agent Em still refuses to talk about any of it.)
Monday, January 24, 2011
School?
The very same college which has the degree that Moon wants also gives an updated degree in CIS. School is looking good. If I can get funding for that, I'll see if they will help me determine how few classes I need to get a more modern degree in Computer Information Systems.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I Have One Follower...
…and her name is “Moon”. Do you know why it appears that the moon follows you wherever you go? It is so far away from the earth, that one’s perspective is pretty much the same wherever goes while on the earth. The sun and the stars have that same illusion. The planets, however, move in relationship to the earth and sun. The word ‘planet’ means ‘wanderer’. Planets appear to wander across the sky when tracked regularly. God did this so that early man could track time. He knew that we would eventually make clocks and electric lights that would obscure the stars, the planets, and even the moon, but for most of the history of man, these nighttime lights were our time keepers.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
What State Am I?
You Are Solid |
 You are steady, trustworthy, and loyal. You are probably a reluctant but effective leader. You are honest and ethical. You can't sacrifice your values simply to get ahead. You are studious and hardworking. It bums you out if you end up being too idle. You are a humanitarian. You would save the world if you could. |
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I wish I could quit.
I'm so addicted to the Internet, that I find reasons to keep at it. I could maintain a diary without it, but I keep coming here, where my heart gets hurt and my time is wasted. I wish I could quit, but I tell myself that I have friends I met here. I connect with people.
I went to see him again. He's trying to keep the relationship alive, but I'm tired of dealing with incarceration. I was almost paralyzed with fear these last two weeks. Debt and the inability to do yard work are killing me. I'm selling the property. We are out of money, can't find work, and need to be closer to everyone and everything.
I went to see him again. He's trying to keep the relationship alive, but I'm tired of dealing with incarceration. I was almost paralyzed with fear these last two weeks. Debt and the inability to do yard work are killing me. I'm selling the property. We are out of money, can't find work, and need to be closer to everyone and everything.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sick of it
I am sick of looking for work. My resume is 'sketchy', as one interviewer said. What can I say? I've had the same job for 23 years! Wife and mother. What am I supposed to do? Make up shit? I tried to indicate the diverse duties that 'mom' entails, but they are not buying it. My education seems to be hampering me. By this time, I 'should' have been in middle management or better, but I quit working to devote myself to my children. It would have worked quite well, if he had not done something illegal and ended up in a detention center. Work is fine. I just hate looking for it.
Answer to: "How do you use technology to stay in the loop?"
I'm cross posting something from Live Journal, because this blog is so bare. People on Xanga irritate me, and Live Journal is too quiet.
Sometimes, I don't want to be in the loop. I'm going to miss freedom; I already do. Friends used to talk face to face. The world seemed kinder, because people used tact and even reason when speaking in person. Now, many resort to random flaming and pure emotion to rage against different ideas. Children used to be taught these rules of behavior. Now they are taught savagery is acceptible, rather than to suppress the baser instincts with which they are born. The world seemed kinder a few decades ago, because evil could be kept at bay with mere words or self-defense when necessary. Most people knew these rules of conduct, because parents taught them. Now, there is no such thing as 'evil'; non-sanctioned beliefs are bigotry, and self-defense is illegal. (Historically, when self-defense became illegal, persecutions and bondage followed. Only the elite, the special classes, and the physically strong could do what they wanted.)
Isaiah 5:20,21
Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!
My standard is, and alway shall be, the Word of God. When people obey God's Word, not just what someone merely says is God's Word, but God's Word itself, then we have peace. The world belongs to the Adversary, so its peace doesn't matter; internal peace does, and God rescues those who trust Him. I have friends whose parents experienced Stalin and Hitler (both leaders were socialists), and a parent who experienced Hitler. Some 20yo directed an essay to me about how socialism was 'compassionate'. SHE was totally brainwashed and indoctrinated. Many people have been, because that is what is all that is taught them. The truth is concealed from them.
I know better! God is not a socialist. God gives us free will. He gives us tools. God wants us to be free.
2 Corinthians 2:17
Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
Addendum:
In the Bible:
"Liberty" is used 25 times.
"Freedom" is used twice
"Free" is used 60 times
"Bondage" is used 38 times, and is always negative.
Sometimes, I don't want to be in the loop. I'm going to miss freedom; I already do. Friends used to talk face to face. The world seemed kinder, because people used tact and even reason when speaking in person. Now, many resort to random flaming and pure emotion to rage against different ideas. Children used to be taught these rules of behavior. Now they are taught savagery is acceptible, rather than to suppress the baser instincts with which they are born. The world seemed kinder a few decades ago, because evil could be kept at bay with mere words or self-defense when necessary. Most people knew these rules of conduct, because parents taught them. Now, there is no such thing as 'evil'; non-sanctioned beliefs are bigotry, and self-defense is illegal. (Historically, when self-defense became illegal, persecutions and bondage followed. Only the elite, the special classes, and the physically strong could do what they wanted.)
Isaiah 5:20,21
Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!
My standard is, and alway shall be, the Word of God. When people obey God's Word, not just what someone merely says is God's Word, but God's Word itself, then we have peace. The world belongs to the Adversary, so its peace doesn't matter; internal peace does, and God rescues those who trust Him. I have friends whose parents experienced Stalin and Hitler (both leaders were socialists), and a parent who experienced Hitler. Some 20yo directed an essay to me about how socialism was 'compassionate'. SHE was totally brainwashed and indoctrinated. Many people have been, because that is what is all that is taught them. The truth is concealed from them.
I know better! God is not a socialist. God gives us free will. He gives us tools. God wants us to be free.
2 Corinthians 2:17
Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
Addendum:
In the Bible:
"Liberty" is used 25 times.
"Freedom" is used twice
"Free" is used 60 times
"Bondage" is used 38 times, and is always negative.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Survey of (almost) 40 Questions
Survey.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Filed for divorce.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No resolutions, other than what I usually do.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A couple of young women I know gave birth. Neither are currently married. Sad.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but my trust did.
5. What countries did you visit?
I left Texas for a week, if that counts.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A paying job.
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Friday, September 3rd. ATF came to my house, and everything changed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I hung a clothesline by myself, and I survived a medical emergency.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Missing the obvious.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Sure, I was rushed to the hospital in great pain. After the ER stabilized me and admitted me to the hospital, an ER nurse told me that they had once had another patient with my stats, who was much younger and healthier, and that person died!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Food. We’re not buying much that isn’t absolutely necessary.
(I don't know what happened to ## 12 and 13, just copying and pasting here)
14. Where did most of your money go?
To wherever he spent it. I don’t know!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My friend’s healing.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Godsmack’s “Cryin’ Like a Bitch” for the mom for that girl and 5FDP’s “The Bleeding” for him.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
17. Thinner or fatter?
Lost some weight, but still wearing the same clothing.
18. Richer or poorer?
Way less money. Way more friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I’d managed to hide more money from him.
20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Staying quiet about wierdness.
21. How did you spend Christmas?
Went to my dad’s house.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Nope. Out of love, maybe.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Don’t watch TV.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I’m terribly disappointed in certain people, and I’ve lost a lot of respect for him, but I don’t ‘hate’ him.
26. What was the best book you read?
Got to say it was the Bible, particularly Psalms. That is the only way I’ve managed to keep my brain intact these last few months.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I actually am starting to like Godsmack.
28. What did you want and get?
A car. Now I want a truck, some goats, and my plumbing fixed.
29. What did you want and not get?
A part-time job that pays $10 or more an hour.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I only saw one, and I can’t remember what it was!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I stayed home, because no one remembered it. I’m old enough not to care.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If he had quit his association with that girl when I asked it of him!
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
non-existent
34. What kept you sane?
God.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None. They are all fairly worthless.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Don’t even go there. The system is getting ready to implode in the coming decade.
37. Who did you miss?
No one, or rather, someone who does not yet exist in my life.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Isabel.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
You can never really trust anyone, except God.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“I remember when all the games began
“Remember every little lie and every last goodbye
“The promises you broke, words you choked on
“And I never walked away, it’s still a mystery to me”
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Filed for divorce.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No resolutions, other than what I usually do.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A couple of young women I know gave birth. Neither are currently married. Sad.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but my trust did.
5. What countries did you visit?
I left Texas for a week, if that counts.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A paying job.
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Friday, September 3rd. ATF came to my house, and everything changed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I hung a clothesline by myself, and I survived a medical emergency.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Missing the obvious.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Sure, I was rushed to the hospital in great pain. After the ER stabilized me and admitted me to the hospital, an ER nurse told me that they had once had another patient with my stats, who was much younger and healthier, and that person died!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Food. We’re not buying much that isn’t absolutely necessary.
(I don't know what happened to ## 12 and 13, just copying and pasting here)
14. Where did most of your money go?
To wherever he spent it. I don’t know!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My friend’s healing.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Godsmack’s “Cryin’ Like a Bitch” for the mom for that girl and 5FDP’s “The Bleeding” for him.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
17. Thinner or fatter?
Lost some weight, but still wearing the same clothing.
18. Richer or poorer?
Way less money. Way more friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I’d managed to hide more money from him.
20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Staying quiet about wierdness.
21. How did you spend Christmas?
Went to my dad’s house.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Nope. Out of love, maybe.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Don’t watch TV.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I’m terribly disappointed in certain people, and I’ve lost a lot of respect for him, but I don’t ‘hate’ him.
26. What was the best book you read?
Got to say it was the Bible, particularly Psalms. That is the only way I’ve managed to keep my brain intact these last few months.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I actually am starting to like Godsmack.
28. What did you want and get?
A car. Now I want a truck, some goats, and my plumbing fixed.
29. What did you want and not get?
A part-time job that pays $10 or more an hour.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I only saw one, and I can’t remember what it was!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I stayed home, because no one remembered it. I’m old enough not to care.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If he had quit his association with that girl when I asked it of him!
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
non-existent
34. What kept you sane?
God.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None. They are all fairly worthless.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Don’t even go there. The system is getting ready to implode in the coming decade.
37. Who did you miss?
No one, or rather, someone who does not yet exist in my life.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Isabel.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
You can never really trust anyone, except God.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“I remember when all the games began
“Remember every little lie and every last goodbye
“The promises you broke, words you choked on
“And I never walked away, it’s still a mystery to me”
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Starting on a Positive Note!
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Survival.
Maybe I should set my goals a teeny little bit higher. Prosperity and health, for instance: 3 John 2.
"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul propereth."
Last night, I went to what can be called a prayer meeting. I don't know what other people do at these things, but we put forth our collective believing effort towards a particular result. We prayed for a woman who was about to be pronounced dead. At about 5am on Dec. 26th, she had stopped breathing and her heart had stopped as well. EMTs stuck electrodes into her heart to make it beat, but an EEG at the hospital recorded no brain wave activity. Dialysis, or some test with dialysis showed that her kidneys had stopped working. Systemic failure was imminent. Day by day in the ICU, there was little to no improvement. Her husband did not want to give up. Instead, he claimed victory based on promises in God's Word: Ephesians 3:20; 3 John 2; Romans 8:37; and Psalm 139:14. He refused to let doctors tell him any bad news in her presence. He refused to listen to the bad 'what ifs', and focused on her recovery. When one doctor wanted to do grief counselling and 'pull the plug', he refused. That's when our minister gathered a group of us, and we prayed for specific and detailed healing. (When we pray, we expect results like in Matthew 21:21, 22)
At about 6 pm last night, she woke; she pantomimed removing the tube in her throat, and then she spoke! Oh praise my Wonderful God! Cathy is going to be with us for a while longer!
*tears*
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